36 Homer Simpson Quotes That Are Unfortunately True

36 Homer Simpson Quotes That Are Unfortunately True

Even the dumbest people can be right some of the time, and we’ve got these Homer Simpson Quotes, unfortunately true, to prove our point.

On Ambition

Bart, with $10,000, we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!

What’s the point of going out, we’re just going to end up back here anyway?

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.

That’s it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I’m going to clown college!

Why They’re True: These quotes from Homer Simpson represent the misguided and misdirected importance we place on things like money, staying active, and wastefulness. From money mismanagement to laziness to ridiculous dreams, the man symbolizes a certain section of society that isn’t that much of an exaggeration. And that’s just sad.

On Work Ethic

Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.

If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can’t speak English.

I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.

If something’s hard to do, then it’s not worth doing.

Bart, you’re saying butt-kisser like it’s a bad thing!

Trying is the first step towards failure.

Why They’re True: Passive aggressiveness on the job. Blaming others for your own short-comings. Slacking off and creating a burden to co-workers for the same level of reward. Laziness (again). Brown-nosing to get ahead. Defeatist attitudes. Unfortunately, these philosophies from The Simpsons all too often reflect the American work ethic. Funny on TV, sad in real life.

On Truth

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you’re prejudiced against all races.

Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true!

Why They’re True: The presidential election of 2012 was one of the most bitter in the history of the United States. Stirring the pot was a partisan-divided media represented in factions like MSNBC and FOX News. These days the truth is wherever you want to find it, and it’s something that can be shaped to meet your own ends.

On Family

Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.

It’s not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

We’re gonna get a new TV. Twenty-one inch screen, realistic flesh tones, and a little cart so we can wheel it into the dining room on holidays.

Why They’re True: Hate to be a buzz-kill here, but too often, marriages and families are entered in to lightly by people not ready for the responsibility. They begin to look at their lifestyle choices as burdens instead of blessings. Abuse, neglect, and indifference, arise as a result. They use the time they do have to complain or take part in destructive, brain-sucking activities instead of enriching ones. Then, they wonder why their kids are failing or getting in trouble at school.

On Education

How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.

I can’t believe it! Reading and writing actually paid off!

Why They’re True: What makes The Simpsons philosophy such great satire is how accurately it depicts real-life even through the outrageous quotes of Homer Simpson. Today, kids spend so much time resisting education that they’re shocked when they occasionally find out learning can be useful. Blame teachers all you want, but it starts at home by allowing television (and smartphone devices) to do the parenting for us.

On Beer

Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.

I’m in no condition to drive…wait! I shouldn’t listen to myself, I’m drunk!

All right, brain. You don’t like me and I don’t like you, but let’s just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer.

All right, let’s not panic. I’ll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one.

Bart, a woman is like beer. They look good, they smell good, and you’d step over your own mother just to get one!

Why They’re True: Homer Simpson and Duff Beer should have never met, but together they have resulted in some of the show’s best moments. What else is there to say here? Yes, beer bad. Yes, beer good. Another round for everyone.

On Healthcare

America’s health care system is second only to Japan… Canada, Sweden, Great Britain… well, all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don’t live in Paraguay!

Why It’s True: Until you can get a mole removed without paying $1,000 or more, this is one of those Homer Simpson Quotesthat’ll always be true.

On The Past

I know what you’re saying, Bart. When I was young, I wanted an electric football machine more than anything else in the world, and my parents bought it for me, and it was the happiest day of my life. Well, goodnight.

I saw this movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode! I think it was called, “The Bus That Couldn’t Slow Down.”

Why They’re True: The older you get, the harder it is to remember things about your past. Can’t tell you how many times we’ve walked into a room to get something only to forget why we stood up in the first place. These quotes are sobering reminders.

On Manners

I wonder where Bart is, his dinner’s getting all cold, and eaten.

Why It’s True: It seems no one has the common courtesy to wait on others to get their food before eating anymore. We want what we want, and we want it now.

On Race

I’m a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are.

Why It’s True: Well, it’s becoming less true, that’s for sure. But it still happens. More than 200 years of US Presidents will attest to it. And since the Great Depression, we haven’t exactly been batting 1,000.

On Relationships

Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.

Why It’s True: Whenever someone gets caught lying, they rationalize in any way they can to keep from making a full apology, even if that means taking others down with them. Again, we refer you to the US political scene.

On Reasoning

Shut up, Brain, or I’ll stab you with a Q-tip!

Why It’s True: “I couldn’t help myself” is a comment that gets thrown around a lot in infidelity, embezzlement, [insert crime or immoral action here]. We know better; we just don’t want to listen.

On Parenting

OK, son. Just remember to have fun out there today, and if you lose, I’LL KILL YOU!

Son, being popular is the most important thing in the whole world.

Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.

Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I’ve seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked! Oh, I gotta go, my damn weiner kids are listening.

You know, my kids think you’re the greatest. And thanks to your gloomy music, they’ve finally stopped dreaming of a future I can’t possibly provide.

Why They’re True: These quotes all represent Homer Simpson in his finest moments — being a terrible parent. Nevertheless, how often do you see parents driving their kids to win at all costs, not listening or spending quality time with their children, or teaching them to lower their expectations for life either on purpose or inadvertently through words or actions?

On Sexuality And Gender Roles

Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman — and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing.

Why It’s True: Yep, women’s underwear. Surprisingly comfortable. Um, wait, I didn’t just — d’oh!

The Simpsons has long been one of the finest satires in entertainment history. Through this small collection of 

Homer Simpson Quotes

, we’ve shown you some uncomfortable truths the series has revealed in hopes that, maybe, it’ll help you make your world a better place.

Aric MitchellMore from this Author

Aric Mitchell has dropped his rat pellets of knowledge all across the Internet. As a journalist, an educator, a businessman and an author, he has written about everything from city bored meetings (and he does mean bored) to horror stories, which share more in common than one might think. At any time of the day, Aric could be waxing philosophic about movies, books, Shark Tank, MMA and other men’s interests, or he could be working on his next horror novel.

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